Ode to the Nice Guys
This rant was written for the Wharton Undergraduate Journal
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.
This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.
This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.
The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.
So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.
Fu-zu Jen, SEAS/WH, 2003
September 29, 2010
September 23, 2010
Weekly QB
Forbes released their "Forbes 400: The Richest People in America" and not surprisingly Bill Gates is once again at the top of the list. His mega-corporation not only revolutionized the world, but also his life. His net worth? $54 billion. Oh, and did I mention he has been number one for the past 17 years?
Number two on that list is Warren Buffett. Buffett is known for not only his company Birkshire Hathaway, but also for being one of the best businessmen ever. His net worth rounds out to $45 billion. At the age of 80, Buffett plans to give away 99% of his wealth away to charity when he passes, more specifically the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. I suppose the other 1% will go to his children.
Rounding out the top three is Larry Ellison, the owner of Oracle. His net worth comes out to lowly a $27 billion. He too plans to give away his money to charity, 95% to be exact.
The most amazing part of this is the top two are about $20-30 billion dollars away from the number three guy.
Where is the creator of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg? His net worth is $6.9 billion. Oh, and he's only 26 years old. Apparently, Mark made the biggest jump percentage-wise in net worth from last year to this year, 245% to be exact. He is the 35th richest person in America by the way.
NEXT...
I'm looking to start a new weekly 'segment' if you will. I want to call it "Monday Morning Quarterback" but unfortunately the big shots at ESPN have all but trademarked that phrase. So, preliminarily, I will say my 'segment' is going to be called 'Weekly QB.' It's possible this will change, because like all things, change is inevitable. I am looking to not only talk about the NFL, but also the NCAA, and possibly, which really means most likely, about baseball...At least until the Cincinnati Reds get eliminated from the playoffs. It will go a little something like this...
Weekly QB:
I'm not really sure what I was most upset about when I heard Braylon Edwards got a DUI. Was it the fact that the league has a personal escort service for all players? Meaning, on the nights when you have a little too much to drink, your ride is one phone call away, no questions asked. Or was it that his beard is still there? Maybe he should shave that bushy beard and get smart. That could be one of his '12 steps' on his road to recovery. Other than that, I really don't think this effects the Jets football team at all. Edwards was a good, not great, college football player, and he will never be a good NFL receiver; decent maybe, but never good.
I like how Denard "Shoelace" Robinson is getting so much hype recently. It's awesome that he can go out and beat Connecticut and Notre Dame pretty easily. Against ND he had a great game, but I'm not sold. Michigan struggled last week against Massachusetts. Who? Exactly. Regardless, neither of those three teams are that good. And, to make another point, I would like to see him do something against a good defense. If he does big things against a good team, I will become a believer. Not that he is great, but that the Michigan football team is a decent team this year. It's about time.
The best 0-2 team at the moment that will make the playoffs in the NFL is the San Francisco 49ers. This team is good. Alex Smith showed he can be clutch; he just needs to be consistent from here on out. Defensively, they are fantastic, and they have one of the best head coaches in the league. Mike Singletary was a great player, and I think he can be an even better coach. Watch out for the team by the bay for the rest of the season.
The Cincinnati Reds are just games away from getting into the playoffs! This is a much needed boost for the Reds organization. Though attendance is down, hopefully they can sell out their home games for the playoffs, which should happen. Their magic number for now, is at 3. This will stay there for at least a day, while the Reds are traveling, and the Cardinals already won.
I'll leave off with a question to think about: How did Rufus the Bobcat tackling Brutus the Buckeye effect Ohio University? Leave comments below if you wish...
Number two on that list is Warren Buffett. Buffett is known for not only his company Birkshire Hathaway, but also for being one of the best businessmen ever. His net worth rounds out to $45 billion. At the age of 80, Buffett plans to give away 99% of his wealth away to charity when he passes, more specifically the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation. I suppose the other 1% will go to his children.
Rounding out the top three is Larry Ellison, the owner of Oracle. His net worth comes out to lowly a $27 billion. He too plans to give away his money to charity, 95% to be exact.
The most amazing part of this is the top two are about $20-30 billion dollars away from the number three guy.
Where is the creator of Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg? His net worth is $6.9 billion. Oh, and he's only 26 years old. Apparently, Mark made the biggest jump percentage-wise in net worth from last year to this year, 245% to be exact. He is the 35th richest person in America by the way.
NEXT...
I'm looking to start a new weekly 'segment' if you will. I want to call it "Monday Morning Quarterback" but unfortunately the big shots at ESPN have all but trademarked that phrase. So, preliminarily, I will say my 'segment' is going to be called 'Weekly QB.' It's possible this will change, because like all things, change is inevitable. I am looking to not only talk about the NFL, but also the NCAA, and possibly, which really means most likely, about baseball...At least until the Cincinnati Reds get eliminated from the playoffs. It will go a little something like this...
Weekly QB:
I'm not really sure what I was most upset about when I heard Braylon Edwards got a DUI. Was it the fact that the league has a personal escort service for all players? Meaning, on the nights when you have a little too much to drink, your ride is one phone call away, no questions asked. Or was it that his beard is still there? Maybe he should shave that bushy beard and get smart. That could be one of his '12 steps' on his road to recovery. Other than that, I really don't think this effects the Jets football team at all. Edwards was a good, not great, college football player, and he will never be a good NFL receiver; decent maybe, but never good.
I like how Denard "Shoelace" Robinson is getting so much hype recently. It's awesome that he can go out and beat Connecticut and Notre Dame pretty easily. Against ND he had a great game, but I'm not sold. Michigan struggled last week against Massachusetts. Who? Exactly. Regardless, neither of those three teams are that good. And, to make another point, I would like to see him do something against a good defense. If he does big things against a good team, I will become a believer. Not that he is great, but that the Michigan football team is a decent team this year. It's about time.
The best 0-2 team at the moment that will make the playoffs in the NFL is the San Francisco 49ers. This team is good. Alex Smith showed he can be clutch; he just needs to be consistent from here on out. Defensively, they are fantastic, and they have one of the best head coaches in the league. Mike Singletary was a great player, and I think he can be an even better coach. Watch out for the team by the bay for the rest of the season.
The Cincinnati Reds are just games away from getting into the playoffs! This is a much needed boost for the Reds organization. Though attendance is down, hopefully they can sell out their home games for the playoffs, which should happen. Their magic number for now, is at 3. This will stay there for at least a day, while the Reds are traveling, and the Cardinals already won.
I'll leave off with a question to think about: How did Rufus the Bobcat tackling Brutus the Buckeye effect Ohio University? Leave comments below if you wish...
September 18, 2010
Clearing My Mind
It's been a long time since I have updated this blog, but I promise, I'm coming back strong. I have talked about this subject before on here, but I didn't do it justice, so this is the real deal. Some of you have already read this, but read it again, because it's that good. Enjoy!
Growing up as a guy, society has their perception of what a man should be. Men are supposed to have a chiseled jaw with a five o’clock shadow, combined with a six, if not eight, pack. Men are supposed to be tough. They have to be strong, both inside and out. Men should have all the answers, whether it’s what’s on TV, or what kind of car someone should buy. Men are definitely not allowed to share their emotions with other people. This is what it means to be a guy right? You have to be closed off to the world, and look good doing it, as well as having all the answers. Right?
Well, judging by the above description, I am not a man. I mean, I am, but I don’t really fall under any of the above categories. My jaw could not be any farther from chiseled, and the constant five o’clock shadow is more like I can’t even grow facial hair. I know what you’re thinking; is this kid twelve or something? The answer is no, but I do get that a lot. In fact I’m 20, with 21 being right around the corner. Back to the manly descriptions; I don’t have an eight, six, four, or even two pack. In exchange for the rock solid abs, apparently my family chose a belly and ‘love’ handles for their genes to pass on. Whose idea was that?
I played football for all four years throughout high school and all I can show for it is a plaque and a varsity letter. My body doesn’t even look like I played football, meaning I’m not strong, on the outside. At a time when I was looking to get big muscles and get fast, all that happened was I grew upwards, (and outwards) and got slower. I suppose the one thing I can say is I’m pretty strong on the inside, but who isn’t. If you put your mind to something, you can always accomplish that thing, right? I certainly do not have all the answers. Clearly, see Fall Quarter GPA of my sophomore year. Although, I do tend to know what is on TV, I only know one thing about cars. You should get your oil checked on a regular basis. Oh, and in case you didn’t pick up on it, I would say I have an exceptional sense of humor.
I’m sure by now, you are probably wondering, both why I am writing this and what direction I’m going to go with this from here. Well the first question is yet to be determined, and as for the second one, I’m sure I’m going to take this a different way than you would think I’m going to, so bear with me. My teacher told my class to write informally, but not too informal. I don’t necessarily follow all the rules, especially this one, because I write better this way. Seriously though, who follows all the rules, don’t you speed on the open road sometimes?
This year marks the beginning of my junior year at Ohio University. I know what you’re thinking; all this kid does is party and get drunk everyday. Well, not quite. Yes, OU is now the number two party school in the country, as said by the Princeton Review. But I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. Before I touch on that, I’ll tell you about my first two years here. My freshmen year was good, but don’t get me wrong, I had thoughts of transferring closer to home, and to a cheaper school. As tuition keeps getting raised yearly, and my bank accounts are quickly declining, it is getting tougher to pay for school.
I wasn’t allowed to have my car here for my first year so I didn’t get the whole effect of Athens, Ohio. I didn’t really know why, but I came back for my sophomore year. Maybe it was the friendships I had built, or maybe it was the false sense of hope things would change around this town. Regardless of reason, I came back. The relationships I had built during my sophomore year were amazing. I know I will have friends that will be there for me whenever I need them. Now in my third year, and loving Athens after spending a summer here, I want to share something I have learned.
Do you know what a walk can do for you? I didn’t, but that was before I knew about ‘the late night walk’. ‘The late night walk’ is really a ‘man walk’. I wish we had a better name for it, but honestly, we are guys, and we are not creative. The ‘man walk’ is really an opportunity to say whatever is on your chest. There is a catch to this walk though. You can’t just go on a walk with some random guy, or some guy you kind of know. It has to be with a good friend, and I mean a good friend, one that you wouldn’t mind having as a best man at your wedding. For instance, the guys I go on this walk with, they may know me, better than I know myself. I have cried to these guys before, and I swear I only cry when someone close passes, or during a sad movie. If there are relationship problems, these guys know about it.
So what’s the point of this walk? The ‘catch’ is, this walk is an opportunity to speak your mind. No matter how bad of an idea I have, I can say it on this ‘man walk’ and I know everything will be fine. These walks aren’t mapped out either. You walk until you are done talking. Granted there will be a next time, but you have to say what you have to say. There are some rules to this walk, though not official. Rule number one is at all times, you should speak your mind. Even if your thought is negative towards another person on the walk, it’s something that should be said. Rule number two is there is a no judgment zone. Meaning, as soon as the walk starts, no judgment will be passed from one to another. Which also means as soon as the walk ends, feel free to judge all you want, just kidding. The third and final rule for the ‘man walk’ is that whatever is said on these walks, stays on these walks, at all times.
Without breaking rule number three, I will tell you what type of things we talk about. A very common subject is girls and relationships. Now, I know I said I don’t have answers, but I do have answers for this subject. Granted, when it comes to my own relationships, I just don’t know what to do. I give great advice, but I don’t follow it. I have talked about family situations back home, and even financial situations. We talk about what we want to do with our lives after college. A lot of this walk is just clearing the mind of all the things blocking you from having a good time.
I am in constant need to clear my mind. I am a 20 year-old kid who is a Resident Assistant at the nation’s number two party school. For those of you who don’t know what a Resident Assistant does, I basically enforce policies set by the University. I constantly struggle with getting my school work done, enforcing policies, not trying to be the mean RA, making friends, and trying to still have a good college experience. I have given up a lot of my college experience by being an RA, but I refuse to let my job hold me back. These walks are a good chance for me to clear my mind. I don’t really have that many stress relievers. I listen to music, sometimes go on long drives to nowhere, and now I go on these late night ‘man walks.’
Earlier I said I didn’t know why I was writing this, but to be honest I’ve known the whole time. I wanted to share with you, not only a little bit about myself, but one of the things I do that has been something I’ve come to look forward to. I hear, and say, things in these walks I never thought I would. Every walk is different, but every walk is special to me, and I don’t see why they can’t be special to everyone. I encourage you to find your best friend and go on a walk, and hopefully it changes your life, just like my walks have changed mine.
Growing up as a guy, society has their perception of what a man should be. Men are supposed to have a chiseled jaw with a five o’clock shadow, combined with a six, if not eight, pack. Men are supposed to be tough. They have to be strong, both inside and out. Men should have all the answers, whether it’s what’s on TV, or what kind of car someone should buy. Men are definitely not allowed to share their emotions with other people. This is what it means to be a guy right? You have to be closed off to the world, and look good doing it, as well as having all the answers. Right?
Well, judging by the above description, I am not a man. I mean, I am, but I don’t really fall under any of the above categories. My jaw could not be any farther from chiseled, and the constant five o’clock shadow is more like I can’t even grow facial hair. I know what you’re thinking; is this kid twelve or something? The answer is no, but I do get that a lot. In fact I’m 20, with 21 being right around the corner. Back to the manly descriptions; I don’t have an eight, six, four, or even two pack. In exchange for the rock solid abs, apparently my family chose a belly and ‘love’ handles for their genes to pass on. Whose idea was that?
I played football for all four years throughout high school and all I can show for it is a plaque and a varsity letter. My body doesn’t even look like I played football, meaning I’m not strong, on the outside. At a time when I was looking to get big muscles and get fast, all that happened was I grew upwards, (and outwards) and got slower. I suppose the one thing I can say is I’m pretty strong on the inside, but who isn’t. If you put your mind to something, you can always accomplish that thing, right? I certainly do not have all the answers. Clearly, see Fall Quarter GPA of my sophomore year. Although, I do tend to know what is on TV, I only know one thing about cars. You should get your oil checked on a regular basis. Oh, and in case you didn’t pick up on it, I would say I have an exceptional sense of humor.
I’m sure by now, you are probably wondering, both why I am writing this and what direction I’m going to go with this from here. Well the first question is yet to be determined, and as for the second one, I’m sure I’m going to take this a different way than you would think I’m going to, so bear with me. My teacher told my class to write informally, but not too informal. I don’t necessarily follow all the rules, especially this one, because I write better this way. Seriously though, who follows all the rules, don’t you speed on the open road sometimes?
This year marks the beginning of my junior year at Ohio University. I know what you’re thinking; all this kid does is party and get drunk everyday. Well, not quite. Yes, OU is now the number two party school in the country, as said by the Princeton Review. But I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. Before I touch on that, I’ll tell you about my first two years here. My freshmen year was good, but don’t get me wrong, I had thoughts of transferring closer to home, and to a cheaper school. As tuition keeps getting raised yearly, and my bank accounts are quickly declining, it is getting tougher to pay for school.
I wasn’t allowed to have my car here for my first year so I didn’t get the whole effect of Athens, Ohio. I didn’t really know why, but I came back for my sophomore year. Maybe it was the friendships I had built, or maybe it was the false sense of hope things would change around this town. Regardless of reason, I came back. The relationships I had built during my sophomore year were amazing. I know I will have friends that will be there for me whenever I need them. Now in my third year, and loving Athens after spending a summer here, I want to share something I have learned.
Do you know what a walk can do for you? I didn’t, but that was before I knew about ‘the late night walk’. ‘The late night walk’ is really a ‘man walk’. I wish we had a better name for it, but honestly, we are guys, and we are not creative. The ‘man walk’ is really an opportunity to say whatever is on your chest. There is a catch to this walk though. You can’t just go on a walk with some random guy, or some guy you kind of know. It has to be with a good friend, and I mean a good friend, one that you wouldn’t mind having as a best man at your wedding. For instance, the guys I go on this walk with, they may know me, better than I know myself. I have cried to these guys before, and I swear I only cry when someone close passes, or during a sad movie. If there are relationship problems, these guys know about it.
So what’s the point of this walk? The ‘catch’ is, this walk is an opportunity to speak your mind. No matter how bad of an idea I have, I can say it on this ‘man walk’ and I know everything will be fine. These walks aren’t mapped out either. You walk until you are done talking. Granted there will be a next time, but you have to say what you have to say. There are some rules to this walk, though not official. Rule number one is at all times, you should speak your mind. Even if your thought is negative towards another person on the walk, it’s something that should be said. Rule number two is there is a no judgment zone. Meaning, as soon as the walk starts, no judgment will be passed from one to another. Which also means as soon as the walk ends, feel free to judge all you want, just kidding. The third and final rule for the ‘man walk’ is that whatever is said on these walks, stays on these walks, at all times.
Without breaking rule number three, I will tell you what type of things we talk about. A very common subject is girls and relationships. Now, I know I said I don’t have answers, but I do have answers for this subject. Granted, when it comes to my own relationships, I just don’t know what to do. I give great advice, but I don’t follow it. I have talked about family situations back home, and even financial situations. We talk about what we want to do with our lives after college. A lot of this walk is just clearing the mind of all the things blocking you from having a good time.
I am in constant need to clear my mind. I am a 20 year-old kid who is a Resident Assistant at the nation’s number two party school. For those of you who don’t know what a Resident Assistant does, I basically enforce policies set by the University. I constantly struggle with getting my school work done, enforcing policies, not trying to be the mean RA, making friends, and trying to still have a good college experience. I have given up a lot of my college experience by being an RA, but I refuse to let my job hold me back. These walks are a good chance for me to clear my mind. I don’t really have that many stress relievers. I listen to music, sometimes go on long drives to nowhere, and now I go on these late night ‘man walks.’
Earlier I said I didn’t know why I was writing this, but to be honest I’ve known the whole time. I wanted to share with you, not only a little bit about myself, but one of the things I do that has been something I’ve come to look forward to. I hear, and say, things in these walks I never thought I would. Every walk is different, but every walk is special to me, and I don’t see why they can’t be special to everyone. I encourage you to find your best friend and go on a walk, and hopefully it changes your life, just like my walks have changed mine.
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